She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
