You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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