dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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