he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
