I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize