I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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