You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
