guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
