Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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