What tipped you off? The sombrero?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
