you guys were way drunker than both of me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
