i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
