my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
