Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
