So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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