It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
