My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
