What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
