I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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