Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize