After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
