SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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