Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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