i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
