FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
