I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
