Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
