remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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