What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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