When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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