I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
