wakey wakey hands off snakey
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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