Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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