I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
