He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
