First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
