What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
