You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just tell him i said nine months
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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