i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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