omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
try to milk me bitch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
