Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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