dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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