I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So vagazzling was a success
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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