Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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