it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
