Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
