Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
