Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
