fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
