Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He did a backflip because drugs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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