I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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