When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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