There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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