So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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