bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
