Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I believe in your delicious
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
