Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
