Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
