my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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