thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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