He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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