some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
