Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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