I CAN MOONWALK!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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