You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
