Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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