Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
