it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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