if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
