he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
