There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, beer. Big fan.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
