I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I looked at my own cervix.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize