Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
