even my farts smell like vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we're making bets on your personal life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
