On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
