sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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