It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
