I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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