Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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