i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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