If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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