i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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