You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
