so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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