it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
