man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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