Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
