So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
