so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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