I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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