In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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