he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
