Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
