So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need to calm my uterus...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
