the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
