So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
