Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
