apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
