I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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