grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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