Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
