the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
