the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
