thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
