I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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