I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
