If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
