she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
